Calling all twihards!

So, this is probably the nerdiest thing I've ever posted but I don't care! So, this is basicall on giant blogland invite to my house on Saturday. I pre-ordered my copy of Twilight last month and have been impatiently awaiting it's arrival for this Sat.
Sat. night at 8 we're going to watch it and be all goofy and girly and gush over it and it will be awesome. Who doesn't need to curb their Edward fix!? Oh and Rachel, if you're reading this, I saw a preview for Twilight last night and Bella is TOTALLY wearing grey granny panties! Come one and all and it will be a blast. Feel free to invite people, just let me know so I can plan for the numbers! If you need directions just call me! See you there!

Wicked!!!!!!!!

So, I am super STOKED because I got orchestra level tickets to Wicked!I have ben trying to see this show for almost four years! The first time it came to Portland it sold out in 4 days. I got paid the day AFTER it sold out. Last summer Joe and I specifically planned our vacation to Chicago so we could see it there. Well the day we got there the company went on tour!

Last summer I taught an advanced musical theater class and we did some scenes from Wicked. It was such a blast! I found out then that it was coming to Portland. When tickets went on sale we were so poor because I was on maternity leave. I was pretty bummed...but then...da da dah...my mother in law bought me tickets!

For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it's FABULOUS! The music is so good and the storyline is great! I recommend it to any broadway virgin. So, yeah that is my super randoim post to tribute Wicked

You can check out the music and such:http://www.wickedthemusical.com/page.php#MusicPlayer

This has been such a weird week. At times, it has been really fun and then really stressful and sometimes depressing. I'm exhausted and glad it's almost over.

I'm trying so hard to stay positive about my body but some days I find it virtually impossible. I have 10lbs left to shed. Whoo-hoo. Right?! I'm so frustrated with myself because I want so badly to get back in shape and start running again but I am so TIRED all the time and have very little maotivation. Except on Tuesday nights of course when I'm watching "Biggest Loser" I tried running the other morning but it was so cold my asthma kicked right in.

I went to find some clothes because I am so sick of crying every morning, but itwas so depressing. I know I've hit an all time low when I don't even want to go shopping. HELLO! I'm the girl with over 100 pairs of shoes! I guess I have to interject though...I am wearing a size 4 but want so badly to have my tight little tummy back. I should be excited about that but can't. I feel like I did when I came home from mission with this life preserver around my waist in tow. I guess I can say I'm not as pathetic now as I was then. One night I was so upset about my body I laid on my floor and listened to Coldplay's "Fix You" on repeat until I cried myself to sleep. Pretty sad eh?

I have to say I have an AMAZING husband. We were talking about this very subject last night. He said that I was the sexiest and beautiful I've ever been. He told me to take some of our tax return money and go buy some new clothes. (I haven't really bought new clothes since before my mission)

I'm not trying to throw myself a huge pity party and I know I just need to get off my butt and change what I want changed. I keep all this bottled up inside and somedays it just comes spewing out. I have never been insecure about myself ever in my life. I've always been a total ham. I once won a "shake that @$$" contest at Banana Joe's in Portland (crazy sorority days) I constantly find myself pulling at my shirts, changing outfis at least three times a day. I have even pulled away from Joe because I don't feel attractive enough. How retarded is that?!

I HATE it.

Okay, I'm done mourning now. Sometimes I just need to vent and cry a little bit and I'll be good for a few days.

Let's talk about how this week was good. On monday I came home and Joe bought me my favorite licorice. He always does sweet little things like that. Once when we were dating he went and bought a ton of mambas candy and took out all the rasberry ones (my favorite) so he would have enough to fill a gift bag. He probably spent $20 on Mambas.

My niece Zoe Anne was born this week. She's precious. She has more hair than Bella will have when she's one! I'm so happy for my sister. She's had a really long road to travel and I think things are finally falling into place for her.

Bella is getting cuter and funnier everyday. She laughed out loud this week! I have never heard a sweeter sound. I started crying! I know I'm a nerd.

(this is a link to the video of her laughing) http://www.flickr.com/photos/loganthomas/3334866262/in/set-72157613710933091/

To top off my nerdiness: I finally got to the last level of Zelda!!! It's been over a year of trying to beat that stupid game!

We tried

Today we tried our first attempt at Rice Cereal. I emphasize the word "Attempt" Bella has been wabting to eat every 1-2 hours. She'll nurse for 30 mins. and an hour later down a 4-6 oz. bottle. She's quite the chubby bunny. I decided to try cereal to see if it would stem her appetite. It was pretty funny watching her face when I put it in her mouth. It was a cross between a "bitter beer face" and an old lady who forgot to put in her dentures. If I was really talented I would've taken a picture as I was giving it to her. The curse of left-handedness. I don't think any actually stayed in. It was quite the messy experience. So, we'll try again tomorrow. She weighs 13 lbs. you wouldn't think she'd want to eat so much. I'm ready to enroll her in baby aerobics!

And yet, she's still adorable

This is a video of her talking away. Please ignore my American Idol version of "Old McDonald's Farm"

She's getting so big! Look at her big blue eyes

Look at her chubby cheeks

BlogTag

I read Jesse's blog about being tagged and thought it would be interesting to see what the sixth picture in the sixth file of my "mypictures" folder would be...Here it is....

This is in Marseille, France (my last area) We hiked up to Notre Dame de La Garde. It's one of the oldest cathedrals in Marseille. I got kicked out by a priest because I saw something that made me really mad. In the sanctuary there is a crucifix of Christ and the Virgin Mary next to it. Well, in bold inscripted letters above Christ's head it says: "Be saved by God through Mary".

It made me so livid. I'd never read such an asinine thing before in my life. Well, I went up to this priest and asked him how in the world he could believe something like that...a small crowd had gathered and he didn't like it. I quoted a few scriptures to him and told him how sad that statement was and was not so politely escorted out of the cathedral and asked to never come back again. Thus, one of many interesting experiences on my mission (almost as good was the time we snuck into a monastery and secretly taught a Franciscan Monk and got chased out by nuns!)

This was by far my favorite city of my mission I spent almost a year there. I would give anything to live there. It's beautiful. Though this picture doesn't do it much justice.

I am convinced that Heavenly Father gave me the gift of singing not to please crowds of thoudands or kings and magistrates but to captivate my little on person audience, Bella. I could die a happy satisified woman knowing that I got to sing to my little baby and she smiles and cooed back at me the entire time. We had the best day today. She decided she was not going to take a nap so I gave up and we just played all day. It was the bestday ever. She's getting so animated. She giggle when you ticke her and it's the most wonderful sound ever!
She looks so much like Joe
Bella is getting so big! Yesterday she started turning over onto her side. She gets stuck there and then gets mad because 1) she can't go any further and 2) she can't roll back onto her back. It's pretty cute. She has also started scooting in circles laying on her back. it's pretty funny to watch. It looks like she's doing the watussi or something.

She did it all by herself!

I'm just glad that she's so happy! Since I had the stomach flu my milk supply has almost disappeared. I'm devastated! Bella does not want to take a bottle. She only wants to nurse so,it's been a rough few days. I'm trying everything I can to get it back up. I started taking a supplement called Fenugreek. It makes you smell like curry but it's working a little bit. If anyone has any pointers...PLEASE let me know!

Yesterday was my second day back at work. (I work on tues. from 3-6) Last week I was fine (she was sleeping when I left) Yesterday, I put down for a nap and right as I was about to walk out the door she woke up crying. It was the HARDEST thing I've ever done to have to leave and not be able to stay and comfort her. I cried the whole way to work I cried while I was there and then proceeded to cry the whole way home. I don't know how women do it! I know there are some women who have to work because of their families need. I don't know how women voluntarily work 40+ hours a week and leave their babies at daycare. I couldn't even handle 3 hours. I never thought I would feel this way. Ever! I always planned on having a very successful and busy career and just figured everything would balance out. Definitely not so. It almost scares me that I'm content to just be Bella's mom right now. It goes against every ideology I've ever had!

I filled out my FAFSA today to go back to school next year, I'm almost done I just need to go! I'm trying to decide If I still want to do a Master's of education program or not. it would take 2 years. I'm not sure. I do want to eventualy teach English or French. I'm just not sure. I took a French placement exam and it said:See Adviser. Thanks. I called and they basically have like 3-4 classes I could take. I need to see if I can take a CLEP exam to just get the credits needed by testing out and then just doing my reserch project and practicum. Hopefully I'm ready to go back. I wish I could finish my music degree but it's just too intensive for right now. I would have to be on-campus 5 days a week from 9-4. Not exactly possible right now. Eventually. I'll probably do what I can online and then see about transferring my music credits to Berklee when we move to San Fran and finish there. I guess that's what I get for double majoring eh?

well now that I've gone off on a huge tangent..I guess I'll just stop!

A rare occasion in the Wilcox household

whoo-hoo

Bella's doctor called after a week of waiting to hear about her ultrasound and everything looks awesome! This is such a relief! If her left kidney hadn;t improved after the last surgery they were going to have to do the reconstructive surgery ASAP. This made my day. Especially since I've been home all weekend with the stomach flu. I pretty much puked for 12 hours straight! I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity and I lost 5 lbs. That wasn't quite the weight loss program I had in mind. I basically lived in the bathroom and Joe took care of Bella all weekend. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been home. He came in to our room after struggling to get her to sleep and said
"Now I understand why you're so exhausted all the time" can we say vindication is sweet! It really sucked not being able to go in and hold and not be able to nurse her. I missed my bambina!
So, back to Bella...we found out last week that she has a kidney infection. Instead of hospitalizing her they switched her meds to a stronger dose and it seems to be working. I was so relieved. I am convinced that there is nothing worse than to have your baby sick in the hospital. She has to go to Doernbecher's in 3 mos for a VCUG X-ray. They insert a catheter into her bladder and inject die into he kidneys to get an internal look at them. This will give us an idea of how they've improved or not improved. So far she doesn't need the reconstruction until she's 12-18 mos. This is good news. SHe's doing great otherwise. She weighs in at a hefty 12 lbs. I have to say my friend Rachel's 1 month old son does outweigh her by a pound! Oh! She laughed the other day. It was so cute. We were in WinCo just strolling along and out of nowhere she just started giggling. I was so mad my phone didn't have video. We just love her to pieces. I couldn't imagine not having her in our lives. It amazes me that although we weren't planning for her someone else was and she was meant to come to our family at exactly the right time. I don't think our lives would be complete without her. Sleepless nights and all.