Miracle Baby

6 months ago I thought I would never get to hold this precious little girl in my arms. On Mother's day I started to hemorrhage and continued bleeding until the end of July. I spent every waking minute wondering if my baby was still alive. I stayed up at night crying and pleading with my Father in Heaven to heal my body so that the bleeding would stop and the chances of a miscarriage would go down.

Our prayers were answered and on Nov. 16th Avalyn Genevieve Wilcox was born at 2:40 am weighing 7lbs 5oz!

I started having contractions late Sunday night and at 1:30am made my way to the hospital. Joe waited for his mom to get there and then came and met me. They were hesitant to admit me because I was 37weeks and 5days. Since I was dialted to a 5 they sent me on a walk to see if my contractions would pick up and if I would dilate to a 6.

Well, I power walked my butt off for an hour and it paid off because sure enough I was a 6! This was about 3:30 am. I thought for sure wed have a baby by mid morning.

OH NO!!!! My contractions started to fizzle around noon...they started me on pitocin and I once again power-walked my butt off! I dilated to a 7 and stayed there forever!!! They finally broke my water...and I was stuck at a 7! The mid-wife checked me and discovered that Ava was sideways and couldn't fit under my pelvic bone. Which explained the excruciating back and nerve pain I was experiencing. This was about 8pm! I finally caved and got an epidural. The pain was so intense I couldn't breathe! (I pulled all the muscles in my lower back!) The OB came in and said I wouldn't deliver her vaginally and we needed to talk C-Section...I said I wanted to talk to the mid-wife. She came back and checked me again and was able to turn Ava.

30 min later I was a 10! I pushed for 45 minutes and Ava was born at 2:45 Tuesday morning!

She ended up having Jaundice and we had to spend 24 hours in the NICU under photolights. We're still trying to get her levels down. She's now at home with a light band that goes around her waist.

She is the sweetest baby. We just adore her. I was so worried throughout my pregnancy about being able to divide myself between two babies. For 2 years Bella has been my entire world. It's amazing how your heart stretches and makes room for more. I couldn't imagin life withought my little miracle.

Bella's First Trunk-or-Treat

Last night was our ward Halloween Carnival and Trunk-or-Treat. I wasn't quite sure what Bella would think of all the Halloween costumes and such. True, she was a little meffiante at first, but quickly got into the swing of things when she found out candy was involved! How she ever learned that word, I will never know!
She loved playing all the games. needless to say she did not win a goldfish! You had to toss ping pong balls in mason jars filled w/ water. Well, bella thought it would be much more fun to chuck them at Joe who was standing on the opposite side of the room! The poor beehives had to chase the balls all over the gym! She did however, win the cake walk and scored herself a delicious brownie and cupcake!

Here's a few highlights from the night and our Pumpkin Carving

I'm pretty sure this was the most enjoyed cupcake there ever was!

                                

Wow! My stomach is bigger than my pumpkin! 4 more weeks!

A couple of sickies hanging out watching Sleeping Beauty

Pumpkin Patch

Following tradition we made our yearly trip to bi-zi farms Pumpkin Patch. A little advice...Don't go the 3rd Saturday in Oct. It was soooo busy! It was so packed that it was hard to walk around anywhere!

We still had a pretty good time! Bella loved all the animals and being able to play in the hay and sample fresh pressed cider. She especially loved the ponies. The line was SO long though so we didn't wait around to ride them. Next year.

 She thought this guy was pretty cool!

 My two favorite people

 She picked out her "pum-pim" all by herself!



Oh Bella!

Bella cracks me up! We got a bottle in a baby shower gift. I told her it was for the baby...she then insisted that I pulled up my shirt to show her my belly and put the bottle up to it and made drinking noises!

Love her!

Grateful

I am so grateful for the priesthood and to be married to a worthy man who is able to excercise his priesthood whenever it is needed.

Bella's surgery is tomorrow. Over the past week I had been slowly falling to pieces. I would just lose it at the drop of a hat and start bawling hysterically! I keptm thinking of all the horrible, unimaginable "what-ifs".
What if they cut through an artery and she bleeds to death on the operating table. What-if a 4 1/2 hour surgery is too long to be under general anesthesia and she suffers brain damge, what-if they rupture her bladder....and on and on.

I keep hearing about people who go in for routine things and either end up dying or in critical condition in the ICU.

I have been a walking time bomb of stress. I can hardly look at Bella without tearing up.
It's been rough.

Well, the other night Joe and I were talking about all of this after I'd already sat and bawled hysterically on my couch for over an hour. I asked him to give me a priesthood blessing.

What a blessing indeed! I innediately felt comforted. I was assured that everything was going to be just fine and Bella would make it through the surgery with no problems or complications.

As I'm preparing all of our things for our hospital stay, I'm trying to remind myself over and over the words of the blessing. I don't know what I would do without the knowledge of the restores gospel and the knowledge that I have a loving father in heaven who is very much mindful of my little family here in Vancouver, WA

Past Few Weeks

The last few weeks have been INSANE! I seriously feel like someone stuck my head in a toilet and flushed it over and over! We've been super busy trying to get projects finsihed before Bella's surgery next week. Which btw we totally suck at! Ava's room is painted at least. Joe is going to refinish our hardwood floors while Bella and I live at Doernbechers. It should be interesting. We have absolutely no idea what we're doing. If anyone does and would like to help PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!

We went to the Harvest Festival at Sauvie Island over labor day weekend with Joe's parents. It was a lot of fun and Bella had a blast!

Anywho...we had Bella's pre-op appt last week and here's the low-down on her surgery:

The surgery itself will take about 4 hours. They have to either re-implant the extra ureter tubes into the bladder or create a new with the extra tubes. They won't know until they've started the surgery. They also need to remove a cyst from her right kidney and possibly remove the upper half of her left kidney. I KNOW right?!

She will have two systems of drainage tubes put in place. one internal (will be removed 6 weeks after) and one external (removed 2 weeks after) She will also have an epidural for 2 days after the surgery. They need her to be totally immobile so she doesn't rupture the sutures or the tubing. I have no idea how to explain to a 22 month old why she can only move from the waist up!!!!!!!

We'll be at the hospital for a minimum of 5 days. If we're lucky we'll get to go home the 27th...MY BIRTHDAY.  It's going to be a trying time, I'm sure I'll freak out and lose it a few times. But, I know it will all work out and it's for the best.

As for miss Ava, things are going really well. We have an ultrasound tomorrow. I'm curious to see how big she is. My midwife promised me she won't let me have bigger than an 8lb baby!

I am holding her to that! I'm carrying her really low. She is literally camped out on top of my cervix! Moms I know you can relate when I say that half the day I feel like my crotch is going to split in half. Sorry if that was a little too graphic but it's seriously the only way to describe it! I spend most days walking around like a cowboy! I'm getting excited to meet her and see her personality.if she's anything like Bella we are going to have our hands full..because let me tell you that girl is FULL of personality!

Rollercoaster Pregnancy

This pregnancy has been one big emotional roller coaster! It's finally starting to get better! I spent a good 8 weeks wondering everyday if we were going to lose our baby. You can probably guess that I didn't sleep very much. I found out about two months go that my placenta was almost covering my cervix. If it stayed that way I would have to have a C-section. No bueno. I've been freaking out about that. Today we had an ultrasound at Perinatology to check things out. We got nothing but good news. It was a huge relief! My placenta has moved up high, no need to even worry about C-sections and the hematoma (blood clot) that had formed after all the hemorrhaging has started to diminish and Ava is perfectly normal and healthy and not as big as Bella was! I've also been freaking out about her size! Bella was destined to be a 9 1/2lbs. baby! The doctors were worried about Ava's size because I have such a narrow pelvic opening. So far things look good. I sure hope so since I'm planning on an au natural water birth!

Now I just need to get through Bella's surgery! I dread it every day! I look at her and my heart aches at what I know she has to go through. It was easier (I say that very lightly) when she was younger and not as aware of her surroundings. I constantly think about how I'm going to explain things to her so she'll understand. I know it's for the best and the only solution but I still wish it didn't have to happen.

So, there you have it.

Maui

Maui was wonderful! We had sucha  good time snorkeling , reading on the beach and eating really good food. That is seriously all we did! We stayed in Kihei, on the western side. I highly recommend staying here or in Wailea if you go. You're central to everything and they have the best beaches. That's all I will say here's some pictures!

Ke'Anae Peninsula. This place was sooo cool! We're sitting on cooled lava that flowed into the ocean 960 years ago.

Authentic Hawaiian shaved ice! I could eat a dozen of these!

Super attractive right?

The view from the Grand Wailea

He' so handsome. We layed out on this bluff and read until the sunset!

This is my buddy! I swam with him for about 20 minutes...until a man-of-war wrapped itself around my leg! It's a good thing no one could hear me under water because I'm pretty sure some 4-letter expletives escaped my mouth!

On the boat back from Molokini Crater ( we snorkeled in a volcanic crater. Cool, huh?)

Wainaapanapa black sand beach

This was on our drive on "the road to Hana" it's a 52mile one lane drive with over 60 one lane bridges. it was gorgeous!

Seriously the coolest tree ever!

Entering the bamboo forest

Waimoko falls. A 700 ft. waterfall that we hiked through the bamboo forest to see. It was seriously breathtaking

The best french toast ever!!! It was stuffed w/bananas and then sauteed in coconut syrup and topped with crushed pineapple! This was the fort time ever I out-ate and finished before Joe!

Joe is outnumbered!

Thursday afternoon I had a Dr. appt because to check my placenta etc....I had passed some clots so they decided to do an ultrasound. After making sure everything was okay (which it was) the Dr. said "would you like to know what you're having?" HELLO!!!! Of course, Joe wasn't there, so I felt a twinge of guilt for about seconds. Baby was on its side with its back toward us, I was skeptical. The Dr. moved thhe wand around a little bit and said "I do not see any testicles"! That can only mean one thing: It's a girl!!!!!!!!!!!

We're pretty stoked! I'm excited for Bella to have a little sister to play with. They'll be almost 25mos. apart.

Back in bed!

Apparently I'm supposed to learn a lesson about patience or something! I started to hemorrhage again this morning. I freaked out of course! I had to wait for Joe to come home and of course Bella picks this time to be super ornery! I just went in my room, shut the door and said a prayer! We didn't go to the hospital, we went to my Dr.s office. I'm glad we did because we would've waited for hours at the ER. The first thing she did was make sure baby was okay. THANK YOU!!!! The last tie this happened I kept asking the ER staff if we could just listen for the baby's heartbeat, they kept brushing me off. 

DON'T THEY KNOW THAT I WAS FREAKING OUT AND THAT WAS ALL I CARED ABOUT!!!!!

They did an ultrasound today and everything looked okay. Baby was sucking it's thumb and kicking it's feet. Very reassuring! As soon as I saw that I knew everything would be okay. I have a blood clot that formed at the tear on my placenta. The Dr. said it just needs time to work it's way out of my body. In other words, this isn't the last of this kind bleeding. More than likely this is going to happen again and I'll have to stay in bed a couple of days. 

Why can't these things happen when I don't have an 18 mos. old to take care of!!!!!!!!! 

If anyone has any good book or movie suggestions I will gladly accept them seeing as I have plenty of time on my hands the next couple of days.

Bed Rest+ME=NOT FRIENDS

This has been a hellacious week! The fact that I'm still alive after being on bed rest for a whole week is beyond me! Thankfully the bleeding has stopped. I still feel super tired. I can tell my body is working hard to mend itself. Baby is doing great! I actually felt the first little flutter of movement this morning! It took me a minute to realize what it was. It was a wonderful feeling after everything we've been through. I still can't pick up Bella and she is having a really hard time with it! Hopefully soon!
I am so blessed to have wonderful friends and family around. It has been really hard for me to accept their help. I am so stubborn and prideful! I have learned some good lessons. I learned not only is it important for us to serve others, It is equally important to allow ourselves to be served by others. When we don't we're denying them  the opportunity to grow spiritually and ourselves to accept love. That's my deep thought for the week! 


Today was Joe's graduation! I am so proud of him and everything he's accomplished. He has worked his butt off to get here! It was nice to see him officially celebrated!


Well that's all for now...I'm off to read East of Eden by John Steinbeck...I'm still not sure how I feel about it...I'll let you know later....

Scariest night of my life!

Last night I stayed up late talking to my dad. At about 12:45 I stood up to go to bed and blood started gushing out of me. It was literally like a fire hydrant had been turned on. I immediately start freaking out because A) I'm dying or B) I'm miscarrying. We rushed off to the ER. By the time we got there I was soaked through with blood. 


(you would think this would make the ER staff want to HURRY!!! Oh no I sat in that waiting room hysterical for 45 minutes soaking their chair with blood!)


We finally got back into a room. They did a pelvic exam and found that my cervix was closed. A good sign but I was still losing a lot of blood. They eventually did an ultrasound...at first I couldn't see a baby on the screen, so I lose it again....the tech says hold on I'm looking at the opposite of your uterus. She then panned over to BABY where we saw a glorious heartbeat and baby doing somersaults and sucking its hands...I lose it AGAIN because A)Baby is alive and 


B) I figured out at this point that I probably wasn't dying. It turns out I have a sub-chorionic hemorrhage  where the embryo implanted into the uterus. (Basically a small tear) The Dr. said this was fairly common and the earlier it happens the better your chances are of continuing pregnancy etc...


We are not 100% out of the woods, he said there is still a slight chance of miscarriage. But he really felt confident that everything was going to be fine. Baby's heartbeat was really strong and baby was super active. I am on complete bedrest until the bleeding stops. After that I have to take it easy and can't pick Bella up until it has completely healed and is gone!
(trying telling that to an 18mos old while she's crying at your door and saying "Momma, please! Momma")


It was the worst feeling in the world thinking that I was losing my baby! I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. Totally helpless! I wanted to scream at every Dr. and Nurse that was taking their sweet time! In my mind the minute I walked in there they should've wheeled me to ultrasound so I could at least know everything was okay.


Needless to say we are not going to France! Of course I am beyond bummed, but I'll take my baby over France. Funny how those things happen. France isn't going anywhere and at least now we'll actually have time to save up for it rather than coming back with nearly $1000 in debt! We're going to try and go to Barabados or Hawaii in July or August for 4-5 days. It's closer not as much walking and traveling. Lots of relaxing.

Bella's Surgery

We finally got to meet with Bella's surgeon last week after months of tests. At her last VCUG (http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=voidcysto) They found that her kidneys were both severely backed up and that the left kidney was worse than last time. She still has a cyst on the right kidney. 


(http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/378075-overview) 
(http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec11/ch148/ch148b.html)
These talk a little about Bella's Condition


Her surgery date is Monday Sep. 13th. What they're going to do is reconnect the extra ureter tubes to the bladder (possibly make one long ureter) and completely remove the cyst. It's a pretty complex surgery because she's so tiny. They will have to make a cesarean type incision, which is good because they won't be cutting through any muscle. This will allow her to heal more quickly. We'll have to spend about a week in the hospital.


The good news is that they don't need to remove the top half of her left kidney, drastically reducing our hospital stay! Phew!


The bad news...she will most likely have to come home with external drains in place. They will have to go back and remove them after 2 weeks or so....this freaks me out! How in the world do you stop a 22 month old from pulling it out!


I'm nervous because Joe can't take any time off and his mom will be back in school. I will be flying completely solo at the hospital! 


The best news is this will be the LAST surgery ever!!! She'll need about 6 months of intense follow-up and then 1/year. I'm so excited! 

Notice anything different?

If you look to the right of this page you will see a new addition to my blog!

It's New Moon Time!

It's that time of year!!! New Moon will be released this Saturday!!! I will be having a release party at my house at 8pm! I'm even going to make werewolf and vampire cupcakes! Feel free to bring a friend and some grub and release your inner thirteen year old girl! Leave me a comment if you need my address and/or directions!

This whole trying to get pregnant thing is exhausting! No you sickos not in that way!  This is probably one of the most mentally taxing things I have ever done! Standing and giving my dissertation on "Underlying themes of Russian Literature" is cake compared to this. I don't know how couples do this for extended periods of time! It's seriously all I think about! Not to mention EXPENSIVE! Seriously, a pack of ovulation pee strips is anywhere from $20-$40!!! Luckily I found an online website and I can get them for .50 each! Anywho, I just needed to vent! I feel better now. On a lighter note we'll be on the sunny beaches of southern France in 2 1/2 months! I'm soooo excited! I bought this cute little apricot colored jacket at Nordstrom yesterday, so I could stroll down the streets of Paris in style!!!

Ah, this is where I get to lounge for 7 days!!!!

                            And here:

              and much more!

A week in the Life....

We had a pretty good week last week. I did lots of yardwork. Please take notice that I didn't say "we" but "I" I spent 4 hours hashing it out with blackberry brambles. I thought of just dousing them with kerosene and being done with it. My neighbors probably wouldn't like us very much if I burnt their house down. We also finished installing the flooring in our family room. I forgot to take a picture. Next time. 

My dad came by and spent the day with us. Of course Bella was thrilled to spend the day with her Papa!

Of course she had to make sure he had a belly-button too! This is her latest obsession. She has to make sure everyone has one!

She loves to help sweep!  I have to watch her though, the Swiffer can easily become a battering ram to chase the cats!

I discovered that it's probably a really good idea to clean your bottom cupboard out at least once every 6 months. We named him "Wilson"

Bella learned how to pray! Sometimes she'll stop what she's doing, fold her arms and start "praying".  It more or less sounds like she's talking in tongues. When she's done she says"men" and claps her hands!

If you look very closely you will see a tiny hand donning purple stripes sneaking pieces of cake.  Joe's parents and David came over Sunday. We had a really good time eating and playing games. Bella got very smart and helped herself to my disaster of a bundt cake while she thought we weren't looking! 

Bella loves jewelery! She got these after her MRI yesterday. She's such a tough cookie. The IV start only took 20 min. this time. I'll take that over 2 hrs anyday! Everything went great. She has another scan (VCUG) on the 18th and then on the 30th we meet with the surgeon to set a date!

Well this is just to show off my beautiful Bella. I can't believe how big she's gotten! She's definitely not my little baby anymore!