This has been such a weird week. At times, it has been really fun and then really stressful and sometimes depressing. I'm exhausted and glad it's almost over.
I'm trying so hard to stay positive about my body but some days I find it virtually impossible. I have 10lbs left to shed. Whoo-hoo. Right?! I'm so frustrated with myself because I want so badly to get back in shape and start running again but I am so TIRED all the time and have very little maotivation. Except on Tuesday nights of course when I'm watching "Biggest Loser" I tried running the other morning but it was so cold my asthma kicked right in.
I went to find some clothes because I am so sick of crying every morning, but itwas so depressing. I know I've hit an all time low when I don't even want to go shopping. HELLO! I'm the girl with over 100 pairs of shoes! I guess I have to interject though...I am wearing a size 4 but want so badly to have my tight little tummy back. I should be excited about that but can't. I feel like I did when I came home from mission with this life preserver around my waist in tow. I guess I can say I'm not as pathetic now as I was then. One night I was so upset about my body I laid on my floor and listened to Coldplay's "Fix You" on repeat until I cried myself to sleep. Pretty sad eh?
I have to say I have an AMAZING husband. We were talking about this very subject last night. He said that I was the sexiest and beautiful I've ever been. He told me to take some of our tax return money and go buy some new clothes. (I haven't really bought new clothes since before my mission)
I'm not trying to throw myself a huge pity party and I know I just need to get off my butt and change what I want changed. I keep all this bottled up inside and somedays it just comes spewing out. I have never been insecure about myself ever in my life. I've always been a total ham. I once won a "shake that @$$" contest at Banana Joe's in Portland (crazy sorority days) I constantly find myself pulling at my shirts, changing outfis at least three times a day. I have even pulled away from Joe because I don't feel attractive enough. How retarded is that?!
I HATE it.
Okay, I'm done mourning now. Sometimes I just need to vent and cry a little bit and I'll be good for a few days.
Let's talk about how this week was good. On monday I came home and Joe bought me my favorite licorice. He always does sweet little things like that. Once when we were dating he went and bought a ton of mambas candy and took out all the rasberry ones (my favorite) so he would have enough to fill a gift bag. He probably spent $20 on Mambas.
My niece Zoe Anne was born this week. She's precious. She has more hair than Bella will have when she's one! I'm so happy for my sister. She's had a really long road to travel and I think things are finally falling into place for her.
Bella is getting cuter and funnier everyday. She laughed out loud this week! I have never heard a sweeter sound. I started crying! I know I'm a nerd.
To top off my nerdiness: I finally got to the last level of Zelda!!! It's been over a year of trying to beat that stupid game!
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