Grateful

I am so grateful for the priesthood and to be married to a worthy man who is able to excercise his priesthood whenever it is needed.

Bella's surgery is tomorrow. Over the past week I had been slowly falling to pieces. I would just lose it at the drop of a hat and start bawling hysterically! I keptm thinking of all the horrible, unimaginable "what-ifs".
What if they cut through an artery and she bleeds to death on the operating table. What-if a 4 1/2 hour surgery is too long to be under general anesthesia and she suffers brain damge, what-if they rupture her bladder....and on and on.

I keep hearing about people who go in for routine things and either end up dying or in critical condition in the ICU.

I have been a walking time bomb of stress. I can hardly look at Bella without tearing up.
It's been rough.

Well, the other night Joe and I were talking about all of this after I'd already sat and bawled hysterically on my couch for over an hour. I asked him to give me a priesthood blessing.

What a blessing indeed! I innediately felt comforted. I was assured that everything was going to be just fine and Bella would make it through the surgery with no problems or complications.

As I'm preparing all of our things for our hospital stay, I'm trying to remind myself over and over the words of the blessing. I don't know what I would do without the knowledge of the restores gospel and the knowledge that I have a loving father in heaven who is very much mindful of my little family here in Vancouver, WA

Past Few Weeks

The last few weeks have been INSANE! I seriously feel like someone stuck my head in a toilet and flushed it over and over! We've been super busy trying to get projects finsihed before Bella's surgery next week. Which btw we totally suck at! Ava's room is painted at least. Joe is going to refinish our hardwood floors while Bella and I live at Doernbechers. It should be interesting. We have absolutely no idea what we're doing. If anyone does and would like to help PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!

We went to the Harvest Festival at Sauvie Island over labor day weekend with Joe's parents. It was a lot of fun and Bella had a blast!

Anywho...we had Bella's pre-op appt last week and here's the low-down on her surgery:

The surgery itself will take about 4 hours. They have to either re-implant the extra ureter tubes into the bladder or create a new with the extra tubes. They won't know until they've started the surgery. They also need to remove a cyst from her right kidney and possibly remove the upper half of her left kidney. I KNOW right?!

She will have two systems of drainage tubes put in place. one internal (will be removed 6 weeks after) and one external (removed 2 weeks after) She will also have an epidural for 2 days after the surgery. They need her to be totally immobile so she doesn't rupture the sutures or the tubing. I have no idea how to explain to a 22 month old why she can only move from the waist up!!!!!!!

We'll be at the hospital for a minimum of 5 days. If we're lucky we'll get to go home the 27th...MY BIRTHDAY.  It's going to be a trying time, I'm sure I'll freak out and lose it a few times. But, I know it will all work out and it's for the best.

As for miss Ava, things are going really well. We have an ultrasound tomorrow. I'm curious to see how big she is. My midwife promised me she won't let me have bigger than an 8lb baby!

I am holding her to that! I'm carrying her really low. She is literally camped out on top of my cervix! Moms I know you can relate when I say that half the day I feel like my crotch is going to split in half. Sorry if that was a little too graphic but it's seriously the only way to describe it! I spend most days walking around like a cowboy! I'm getting excited to meet her and see her personality.if she's anything like Bella we are going to have our hands full..because let me tell you that girl is FULL of personality!

Rollercoaster Pregnancy

This pregnancy has been one big emotional roller coaster! It's finally starting to get better! I spent a good 8 weeks wondering everyday if we were going to lose our baby. You can probably guess that I didn't sleep very much. I found out about two months go that my placenta was almost covering my cervix. If it stayed that way I would have to have a C-section. No bueno. I've been freaking out about that. Today we had an ultrasound at Perinatology to check things out. We got nothing but good news. It was a huge relief! My placenta has moved up high, no need to even worry about C-sections and the hematoma (blood clot) that had formed after all the hemorrhaging has started to diminish and Ava is perfectly normal and healthy and not as big as Bella was! I've also been freaking out about her size! Bella was destined to be a 9 1/2lbs. baby! The doctors were worried about Ava's size because I have such a narrow pelvic opening. So far things look good. I sure hope so since I'm planning on an au natural water birth!

Now I just need to get through Bella's surgery! I dread it every day! I look at her and my heart aches at what I know she has to go through. It was easier (I say that very lightly) when she was younger and not as aware of her surroundings. I constantly think about how I'm going to explain things to her so she'll understand. I know it's for the best and the only solution but I still wish it didn't have to happen.

So, there you have it.

Maui

Maui was wonderful! We had sucha  good time snorkeling , reading on the beach and eating really good food. That is seriously all we did! We stayed in Kihei, on the western side. I highly recommend staying here or in Wailea if you go. You're central to everything and they have the best beaches. That's all I will say here's some pictures!

Ke'Anae Peninsula. This place was sooo cool! We're sitting on cooled lava that flowed into the ocean 960 years ago.

Authentic Hawaiian shaved ice! I could eat a dozen of these!

Super attractive right?

The view from the Grand Wailea

He' so handsome. We layed out on this bluff and read until the sunset!

This is my buddy! I swam with him for about 20 minutes...until a man-of-war wrapped itself around my leg! It's a good thing no one could hear me under water because I'm pretty sure some 4-letter expletives escaped my mouth!

On the boat back from Molokini Crater ( we snorkeled in a volcanic crater. Cool, huh?)

Wainaapanapa black sand beach

This was on our drive on "the road to Hana" it's a 52mile one lane drive with over 60 one lane bridges. it was gorgeous!

Seriously the coolest tree ever!

Entering the bamboo forest

Waimoko falls. A 700 ft. waterfall that we hiked through the bamboo forest to see. It was seriously breathtaking

The best french toast ever!!! It was stuffed w/bananas and then sauteed in coconut syrup and topped with crushed pineapple! This was the fort time ever I out-ate and finished before Joe!

Joe is outnumbered!

Thursday afternoon I had a Dr. appt because to check my placenta etc....I had passed some clots so they decided to do an ultrasound. After making sure everything was okay (which it was) the Dr. said "would you like to know what you're having?" HELLO!!!! Of course, Joe wasn't there, so I felt a twinge of guilt for about seconds. Baby was on its side with its back toward us, I was skeptical. The Dr. moved thhe wand around a little bit and said "I do not see any testicles"! That can only mean one thing: It's a girl!!!!!!!!!!!

We're pretty stoked! I'm excited for Bella to have a little sister to play with. They'll be almost 25mos. apart.

Back in bed!

Apparently I'm supposed to learn a lesson about patience or something! I started to hemorrhage again this morning. I freaked out of course! I had to wait for Joe to come home and of course Bella picks this time to be super ornery! I just went in my room, shut the door and said a prayer! We didn't go to the hospital, we went to my Dr.s office. I'm glad we did because we would've waited for hours at the ER. The first thing she did was make sure baby was okay. THANK YOU!!!! The last tie this happened I kept asking the ER staff if we could just listen for the baby's heartbeat, they kept brushing me off. 

DON'T THEY KNOW THAT I WAS FREAKING OUT AND THAT WAS ALL I CARED ABOUT!!!!!

They did an ultrasound today and everything looked okay. Baby was sucking it's thumb and kicking it's feet. Very reassuring! As soon as I saw that I knew everything would be okay. I have a blood clot that formed at the tear on my placenta. The Dr. said it just needs time to work it's way out of my body. In other words, this isn't the last of this kind bleeding. More than likely this is going to happen again and I'll have to stay in bed a couple of days. 

Why can't these things happen when I don't have an 18 mos. old to take care of!!!!!!!!! 

If anyone has any good book or movie suggestions I will gladly accept them seeing as I have plenty of time on my hands the next couple of days.

Bed Rest+ME=NOT FRIENDS

This has been a hellacious week! The fact that I'm still alive after being on bed rest for a whole week is beyond me! Thankfully the bleeding has stopped. I still feel super tired. I can tell my body is working hard to mend itself. Baby is doing great! I actually felt the first little flutter of movement this morning! It took me a minute to realize what it was. It was a wonderful feeling after everything we've been through. I still can't pick up Bella and she is having a really hard time with it! Hopefully soon!
I am so blessed to have wonderful friends and family around. It has been really hard for me to accept their help. I am so stubborn and prideful! I have learned some good lessons. I learned not only is it important for us to serve others, It is equally important to allow ourselves to be served by others. When we don't we're denying them  the opportunity to grow spiritually and ourselves to accept love. That's my deep thought for the week! 


Today was Joe's graduation! I am so proud of him and everything he's accomplished. He has worked his butt off to get here! It was nice to see him officially celebrated!


Well that's all for now...I'm off to read East of Eden by John Steinbeck...I'm still not sure how I feel about it...I'll let you know later....