Surgery Number One

We're finally getting somewhere with Bella's kidney problems. Yesterday we went to OHSU to have a scan done of her kidneys. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It took about an hour total. The one good thing about her having this IV line in her arm is that they didn't need to start an IV yesterday. They were able to draw blood from the PICC line. No needle pokes!

Today we went back and met with the Urologists thayt are treating her...funny tangent....so, It was time for Bella to nurse but I couldn't nurse her because they were coming in to look at her. So, my milk is coming in like crazy and soaked my nursing pads through and my shirt. I decided to change them. Well, right as I lift my shirt up and take down my bra one of the residents walks right in! I think he was more embarassed than I was. Leslie (Joe's mom) and I started cracking up!

Okay back to the serious stuff...It looks like her right kidney is doing fine but the left kidney is on its way tp shutting down in a nutshell. January 5th is her first surgery. It's kind of a "mini-surgery", I say that because they don't actually need to make an incision. Thank heavens! They will go in with a laser scope through hher bladder and poke a hole in the cyst. She'll have to stay in the hospital for one extra day as long as everything goes okay. Back to Doernbecher's we go. I feel unusually calm about it all. I'm confident that they know what they're doing and that Heavenly Father knows what's up. Besides, this is icing on the cake compared to the next few surgeries.

On a happy note...Christmas is in 2 days! Whoo-hoo! Joe let me open a present early last night...it was a Twilight Poster! He won't let me put it up in the living room! I told him I'm going to frame it and surround it with spotlights.

Here's some recent pictures of my bambina:

Her snow suit from Grammy. We call her a pink Ewok


My lil christmas elf!
" I look ridiculous! Get this hat off of me!"

"I SAID TAKE IT OFF!"

We got to come home

We finally got to come home last night. One of the nurses was concerned that we'd get stuck there if there was ahuge snow storm so they let us go home. It was an exhausting week.

This is what's going on:
At 4am wed. morning I went to get Bella to feed her. I knew she wasn't feeling well because all day tues. I had to wake her up to eat. This never happens. She wouldn't cry, she would only whimper. I called the Dr. that night she said just to watch her and check for fever. Well, wed morning before I even picked her up I could feel the heat radiating off her body. I took her temp it was 101. I called the nurse back she said get to the ER ASAP. So we did. When we got there her fever had spiked to 103. Very dangerous. She was pretty listless. They then spent two hours!!! Yes, two hours trying to get an IV in her arm. It was the worst thing ever. She screamed and screamed. They were diggin around with the needle trying to get it in her vein. She was so dehydrated that her vains were like limp noodles. I eventually lost it and broke down in sobs. Here's my tiny baby in pain and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it but sit and watch. They finally got the IV in and needed to cath her. Another hour of her screaming and me crying. Finally they called pediatrics. They were able to get the cath in but come to find out the stupid nurse that put her IV in didn't get it in the vein all the way and it blew her vein and fluid had filled up in her leg and foot. It was awful looking.

After almost 5 hours of trauma she just passed out on Joe's chest and whimpered in her sleep. They came back and told us that she had a severe kidney infection. Which is what we'd been featring since she was born. They rushed us to Doernbecher's children's hospital next to OHSU by ambulance before her kidney's failed. There we met with the team of pediatricians and the urologists and had a whole bunch of scans and ultrasounds done.

Basically her right kidney hasn't changed much since utereo. It has a cyst on it that prevents anything from coming or going. Her left kidney is the major problem. It is severely inflammed and backed up. The tissue surrounding it has signifigantly depleted and it's on its way to shutting down. The bad thing is that they can't do anything until this infection is cleared up. We have an appt. on Dec 22nd for a renal scan. They will inject dye in her kidneys to look at their functionaliy and then will know from there how to proceed. In the meantime she has a PICC line in her arm. This is an IV cather that is threaded into her arm and through her chest next to her heart. I have to give her antibiotics through it 3 times a day for two weeks. I never want to have to go through this ever again. It was absolutely heart wrenching to watch someone so tiny go through so much pain and stress and all I could do was watch. It just seems so unfair. I wish that I could trade her places. At the same time I know she ust be one heck of a fighter because I know Heaven;y Father wouldn't have given her this trial if she wasn't. I'm pretty sure my faith is the only one that needs some tweaking. Not hers.

Keep us in your prayers. We appreciate all the phone calls and emails that we've received. We have some pretty awesome people around us.

Bella Update

So we're at Doernbecher's children's hospital with Bella. She had to be admitted and transferred by ambulance this morning. Basically her kidneys are not working and she has a really bad infection. We're waiting to hear back from doc to find out about surgery. We could possibly come home sat. if not we'll be home Christmas eve. I'll update more later. I jmust wanted to let y'all know what's going on and why I might appear MIA for a while. Keep us in your prayers please.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!!

This is my absolute favorite time of year! I love the smells, the sights, the sounds and the magical feeling that lingers in the air. We got our Christmas tree on monday and decorated it that night. I love walking into my living room and seeing it. It makes me smile. I was talking to my sister and parents about christmas and they're all so stressed about it. Mostly money concerns. It makes me sad because it should be the exact opposite. Hopefully I can do my best and cheer them all up. I feel like Will Farrell in the movie Elf, I just get so excited about christmas! We bought Bella a couple of christmas presents, It was very exciting! Granted, she could probably care less, but I'm stoked about them!

Thornton's Tree Farm

Speaking of Miss Bella...she's a month old! It was kind of sad in a way and exciting in another because she's starting recognize our faces and smile. She can lift her head up really well. She's just a doll! She's a rough couple of days though. The antibiotic she's on for her kidneys makes her tummy really upset. I've pulled a couple of 24-hour and once a 36 hour shift with her. The other night she would not stop crying. No matter what I did she just screamed. So, I put her in the car and we drove, eventually stopping at Target. I carried her around in the baby bjorn carrier until they closed. It was the only way she would sleep. Needless to say, when I got home I told Joe he owed me one heck of a back massage!

For the most part she's a really good baby. She loves music. I put on different kinds for her to listen to. Right now we're listening to Madeleine Peyroux. She tends to favor jazz.

This is Bella listening to Jazz

We're pretty stinkin' happy. My days have become much more simplified. I'm still getting used to not always being on the go. I'm sure it's for my own good. Plus, I love hanging out with Bella. I could sit and look at her all day. Our bedtime song is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I think I sang that song about 30 times yesterday. She never gets tired of it. She's my biggest fan! Life has changed significantly and it's pretty good. Joe just found out that he's graduating 6 mos. early. In a way it's a little scary for me because I was thinking we would move the summer or fall of '10. Now there's a chance we could be moving Dec. '09. We're either off to San Francisco or Minneapolis. I DO NOT want to move to Minneapolis in Dec. It's a good day if the temp. breaks positive integers! On the other hand I don't really want to live in San Fran. I love visiting but ti's sooo expensive. The cheapest apt. we found was $2500/mo we could buy a nice house on Lake Pryor in MN for that much money. Who knows...maybe we'll move to France! I would love that! La france me manque beacoup! Je veux courir dans les champs des coquilicots! I don't think I'm that lucky. I'm doomed to either lose various appendages to frost bite or worse get eaten by a moose in MN or Go bankrupt from spending all my money shopping in San Fran!

Hey wasn't this post supposed to be about Christmas! We're playing the Holy Family at Joe's parent's ward christmas pageant. Pretty cool. Hopefully Bella won't scream! We get to wear period costumes. How cool is that! Well, merry Christmas to everyone!

Oh glorious day!

So, this is probably going to sound really vain but today the most wondrous thing happened!

So, I'm getting dressed (even though it's 2pm) and am putting on some jeans when the thought occured to me...I went to my laundry basket and dug my pre-pregnancy jeans out of the bottom...I buried them after I tried them on two weeks ago and couldn't get them above my knees...and decided to temp the hand of fate and promised myself that I wouldn't cry if they never made it up...Well...I'll be darned those things went right up around my waist! I almost did cry but this time out of utter elation! Granted, I couldn't zip them. Fortunately, that wasn't one of the conditions. Size 2 here I come!
It's been a rough 2 1/2 weeks. every morning when I look in the mirror, I just want to puke! It's been getting better. I promised myself I wouldn't rip myself apart everyday. I have never been one to have very much patience. Joe is awesome, he's a very good liar. Whenever I ask hime if I look really fat :) Oh the woes of being female. If I was a guy this would probably be nothing!

Well on a better note...Twilight comes out tomorrow!!!! I am so stoked! I re-read the series this week in commemoration. It's amazing how giddy I still get the second time around. I keep having dreams that I'm having an affair with Edward Cullen. Weird! It's so easy to get wrapped up in their story. It's a good thing Bella sleeps pretty much all day. Otherwise, I'd feel pretty crappy. I did at least load the dishwasher in between chapters yesterday.

Well, I'm off to AT&T to return the stupid phone I got brand new on friday and doesn't work!!! I can't receive any calls or messages. It's been really annoying. So, if anyone reading this has tried to call me...Sorry. Call Joe's phone 360-901-2979 or call me later at my number!

We survived week one!

So, Bella is a week old. It makes me kind of sad. I wish she could stay this little forever. At the same time I'm excited for her to be old enough to get excited about things like zoo trips, ice cream...you know.

I hope I'm not counting my chikens before they hatch, but, she's a pretty easy baby. She never cries. She's got a pretty good routine going as far as eating and sleeping are concerned. She's just the happiest little girl. I love watching her face when she hears new sounds. Her eyes get so big and she draws her mouth into a pucker. She loves listening to music. So far we've experimented with: Brahms, Norah Jones, Twilight soundtrack, hymns on strings and Andy Williams christmas album. She's definitely starting to look more like Joe. Nose and all. We joked before she was born that she'd be good as long as she didn't have the Wilcox nose. Poor kid. We have a lot of fun together. I thought I would be stir crazy staying home all day by myself but it's not so bad. I'm actually pretty busy. I have a million projects that I started over the last year and am determined to finish them all.

It's been a pretty eventful week though despite my easy going bambina. I've learned some critical lessons that they don't tell you in birth class:

1.Baby poop has the same force as rocket missiles. I was changing Bella at 3 am and she literally shot poo across the room. I tried to catch it in my hand. (I know genius) It splattered all over me, the bassinet and the bed.

2.No matter how many times you look yourself over before leaving there's always a spot of spit-up, pee or poop somewhere on you! I was making pumpkin bars early one morning and discovered I didn't have any pumpkin. So, I decided to run to Safeway super fast and just threw on some jeans leaving my PJ top on. As I was walking into safeway I looked down and saw a huge streak of baby poop all down my shirt! Of course my milk had just come so my boobs are monster-sized and I couldn't even wrap my jacket around me. I felt officially initated into motherhood at that moment.

3.No matter how well you time it babies will always pee or poo the instant that clean diaper is on! I went through 70 diapers in a week!

4.Even a week after delivery you still look like you have a built-in personal flotation device around your middle. I haven't given up hope. Everyday I can pull my jeans up a little bit higher. We're about to the hips right now! Whoo-hoo!

5.Don't try and save money and buy the little box of nursing pads just go for the super value pack. I was at enrichment last week and kept feeling wet. I thought maybe it was fro the rain outside, that it had gotten on my sweater. As the evening continued I started to feely really wet. I thought Bella had leaked through her diaper onto my shirt. When I got home I discovered I had leaked all over myself. I was so embarassed. I have no idea how many people saw. There was a giant black circle on my shirt.

6. You will pass so much gas the first few days you'll even gross yourself out. Enough said on that one. I never thought I'd give my husband a run for his money!

7. Your hormones will not just be out of whack they will take over! So, Monday day after we got home. We had to go to Wal-Mart. I never realized how LOUD it is until I took my sleeping 3 day old there. I wanted to scream at every person that walked by us. I kept saying to Joe, I can't believe how loud they are, can't they see she's sleeping! Later, I was getting really frustrated because I couldn't find hand sanitizer! Joe said something to me, that I'm sure to the normal non-post-partum woman would've been pretty funny, but to me the sleep deprived hormonal whack job...I started to bawl! Right in the middle of the aisle! I tried to escape down the discount candy aisle so I could cry in peace but it was packed which made me cry even more! Finally Joe grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. There we were in the middle of housewares, me sobbing and Joe probably wondering who the heck he married!

So, yeah it's been wonderful having her home with us. We're totally those cheesy, over-the-top parents that you want to make fun of when you see them. We can't help ourselves. We just love her to death. I love watching Joe with her. I have fallen head over heels for him all over again. Every night when he comes he goes into peek on her (she's almostt always asleep) He sits and rocks her and talks to her about life. it so darling. Whenever she hears his voice she instantly turns her head to follow it. He always has to push the stroller or hold her when we're in public. He's smitten. This is her favorite thing to do with Joe
I call this her fairy princess dress

Isn't she darling!

Pictures of Bella

Isabella Grace Wilcox

So, here's a few more pictures.

such a proud daddy

We couldn't believe she only weighed 7lbs!

she has the sweetest cry

Bella's first bath

I love that face


Joe loves his baby!

So do I


She's perfect

Her newborn clothes are too big!



We're home!